Disclaimer: I am not your healthcare provider, and this is NOT health advice. I am just sharing my experiences and opinions, one mom to another. Ask your healthcare provider for specific medical advice.
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I have a hard time using the word ‘pain’ when discussing childbirth, because although the sensations of childbirth are painful (or discomfortable), they aren’t bad or wrong.
I think word choice is important because the words you use can influence the way you think, and visa versa. If you use frightful vocabulary, you may start to view birth as frightful.
But for the sake of this article, I will defer to the word pain due to it’s universal understandability. 🙂
Am I a birth expert? I wish.
No, I am just a mother who has her babies at home in the bathtub, or in the kitchen.
(You should have seen the plumber’s face when I told him why we needed a big tub installed.)
It was vitally helpful to me to read the experiences of other mothers before I had my first child. And now that I am ‘on the other side’, I would like to share my thoughts too. I hope it is useful to you!
1. It isn’t unbearable, and it isn’t everlasting.
If childbirth was totally and completely unbearable, no woman would have children. But it is bearable, and that is why many women choose to have multiple children. 🙂 (Even 200 years ago when analgesia was not yet invented.)
Mothers sacrifice so much for their children, starting before they are even born. But that isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, sacrifice is the surest way to truly love.
As a mother, it is empowering to look back at the mountain you conquered and think: “I did that. Because I love you, I did that.” (You’ll certainly have a lot of mountains, as a mother.)
While labor is designed to be challenging, to push you to your edges and to cause you to grow and develop into a mother, it is also designed to be completely doable.
Monadnock Birth Center
On the other hand, despite the level of pain you may go through to bring your child into the world, it doesn’t last very long.
Labor time is measured in hours, and even then the vast majority of the time is usually spent in the first stage in which contractions are far apart, mild, and sometimes even completely unnoticed.
The transitional stage of labor, (which is commonly known as the most painful part of labor), is the very last period before pushing out the baby. It is usually the shortest stage of labor.
Many women, once they get to this point, start to doubt their ability to continue, even feeling fear or regret.
But this is the sign that you are CLOSE, mama. Don’t stop now!
(Personal Anecdote: When birthing my second child, the transition phase was difficult for me. I remember feeling like I couldn’t continue, and I had thoughts of “I’m never doing this again!” However, the time quickly passed and when I began to push, I became increasingly focused and calm. I remember my midwife even remarking on the change. “See, she can do it.”)
The pain of childbirth can be hard, but it is possible and it is short.
If you feel like you’re slipping, tell yourself “I can do anything for one minute.” and repeat it as often as necessary. Before long, the baby will arrive!
2. It gets worse when you allow yourself to fear.
I’ve written about how fear can hinder childbirth before, it is such an important topic.
Fear is associated with many negative birth outcomes, including pain.
Fear affects hormones, tension, mental state, emotional state, and many other factors that in turn affect how our body handles and perceives pain.
In fact, did you know that (according to some studies) you’re more likely to feel pain if you fear it?
“If we can learn to control the fear about pain, maybe that will help us better control the pain.”
Sean Mackey, MD, PhD
Ina May Gaskin points out that humans are the only mammals who doubt their ability to birth. She also often talks about how humor during birth is important and has the ability to dissolve fear.
Humor was something that helped me greatly during both of my births!
I appreciate the quote: “All pain is real, but it’s also true that it’s “made by the brain” and that we can exert some control over it.”
There are many ways to combat fear during childbirth such as
- affirmations
- a support doula
- taking a childbirth class beforehand
- prayer
to name a few.
It is easy to get pulled down by fears, especially during something as new, surprising, and intense as birth.
But choosing to have courage and overcome your fears can help to alleviate pains–both mental and physical.
Research suggests that because pain involves both the mind and the body, mind-body therapies may have the capacity to alleviate pain by changing the way you perceive it.
Harvard Womens health watch
3. It serves a purpose
Unlike the pain associated with burning your hand or breaking a bone, birth pains do not indicate there is anything wrong with your body. In fact:
Birth pains are purposeful.
- they move your baby into the world
- they guide you to slow down or change positions
- they trigger the body to create helpful hormones
- they help you stay alert
Without feeling the baby descending, a woman may push too hard, too fast, or too soon. Epidurals are associated with higher rates of tearing.
Without pain, oxytocin levels drop dramatically
Judith A. Lothian, PhD, RN, LCCE, FACCE
During an unmedicated labor, the body naturally creates endorphins and oxytocin to battle the pain and increase calmness and bonding. Epidural, while taking pain away, also sharply drops the levels of endorphins.
Dr. Sarah Buckley explains that:
“Endorphins are released when the body feels labor pain, and As part of the hormonal cocktail after birth, beta-endorphin plays a role in bonding between mother and baby, who is also primed with endorphins from the birth process.”
The pain that comes through labor and childbirth is not pathological, it doesn’t mean you are broken or sick. It is normal, and you need not fear it.
Imagine running a marathon. It is painful and arduous and hard! But is is so worth it in the end!
4. It can be managed
The good news about childbirth pains is that even if you plan to have an unmedicated birth, there are still many ways that you can manage or respond to the discomforts.
There are all types of techniques you can try to respond to labor pains, including the pains that you don’t immediately consider such as mental fatigue, emotional strain, and physical stamina.
For lots of thoughts and ideas on how to manage labor pain, take a look at my HUGE post: 50+ Pain Relieving Tips To Conquer Natural Childbirth
Hint: One of my favorite ways to stay strong during birth is to EAT and drink! I always buy a bunch of coconut water for its minerals and electrolytes. It’s kind of my go-to birth treat. 😉
5. It’s not the same for everyone
Every birth is different, and so is how each woman experiences labor pain.
Some women are blessed with ‘quick and easy’ births, some women are more challenged.
To manage the pain, some women benefit from massage and helping hands, but some women really need to turn inside themselves.
Some women breathe out their babies. Some women have blissful births, and some women feel that birth was a high mountain they had to conquer.
I have heard of women who even given birth while they were asleep. Yup.
Everyone experiences are uniquely their own, but you can still set realistic expectations without scaring yourself.
Read about birth. Watch birth stories, absorb all the information you can.
Knowledge is power. Learn, and then accept what comes with grace.
No matter what happens in your birth, it is yours! And that is good.
These five important insights about birth pains helped me to achieve multiple successful out of hospital births, but they are applicable to all birthing women.
Birth is not a sickness, and you are not broken.
If you need more, I have written and will write more! Check out these other posts below:
HOME BIRTH: 100 Tips to prepare you for yours
Is Home Birth Safer than Hospital Birth?
Why Birthing Women need Support, Time Peace, and NOT Fear
50+ Pain Relieving Tips to Conquer Natural Childbirth
